


And Was Jerusalem Builded Here

by matan4il



Series: Jerusalem Bells Are Ringing (Jewish!Buck 'verse) [5]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Catholic!Eddie, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Jewish Buck, Jewish Character, Jewish!Buck, M/M, Mentions of Antisemitism, Mentions of the Holocaust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:42:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27211417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matan4il/pseuds/matan4il
Summary: The next installment in my Jewish!Buck 'verse.Christopher is not a quiet child, so Buck is worried.School ended a few hours ago and since the pick up, he's only gotten one word answers to his questions and none of the usual chatter about how the day has been. That would have been worrying enough, but today Chris had his science fair. It's an event he usually thrives at, making his behavior after school even odder.The installments in this series can each be read independently or together. Posted so far:*Jerusalem Bells Are Ringing: Realizing he's Jewish, Eddie asks Buck to pray in front of him.*Live in Me, Jerusalem: Buck takes Eddie with him to a special spot.
Relationships: Buddifer, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Jerusalem Bells Are Ringing (Jewish!Buck 'verse) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1879417
Comments: 61
Kudos: 159





	And Was Jerusalem Builded Here

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to the actual MVP, [Toughpaperroung](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToughPaperRound/pseuds/ToughPaperRound) for the beta and all the support! They've been, like you, invaluable. <333
> 
> You're always welcome to come say hi, give feedback, ask questions or give support at [my Tumblr](https://matan4il.tumblr.com/)!

Christopher is not a quiet child, so Buck is worried.

School ended a few hours ago and since the pick up, he's only gotten one word answers to his questions and none of the usual chatter about how the day has been. That would have been worrying enough, but today Chris had his science fair. It's an event he usually thrives at, making his behavior after school even odder.

Today is also one of the rare occasions when Buck and Eddie aren't on the same shift, which normally isn't an issue, until the world's happiest kid suddenly stops speaking. It's an awful feeling, the confusion and helplessness in figuring out what to do. And Buck might have moved in, the two of them might have been practically raising Chris together even before he did, but if there's a serious issue at hand, he's scared to overstep. Which is how they come to wage a psychological war, he and the clock, looking to see who will break first.

The key finally turns in the front door while Buck is busy with another attempt at distraction, this one by baking. At the sound, he immediately turns off the oven and sprints out of the kitchen to greet Eddie at the entrance. "Eds?"

"What's wrong?"

Not even a 'hello'. It takes Buck a second to answer, because it does get to him, how attuned his partner is and can tell when something is off, even before he's spoken.

"Christopher's been upset all afternoon, he's barely said a word."

"Is he sick?"

"No," Buck replies quickly and realizes he can, because on some subconscious level, he's already considered and rejected that possibility. "He hasn't complained of anything and he didn't do that squirming thing he does when he's feeling bad and wants to get away from it." And when did this happen, when did he start doing that thing he's watched in awe other parents do?

"He couldn't have been upset about not doing well in the fair, he loves just participating. Did you try to get it out of him?" Buck tilts his head sideways and draws his lips together. "Sorry, no." Eddie finally drops his duffel bag and closes the door behind him. He takes a step closer and it's only when he places his warm hands on Buck's arms that the tension in them becomes evident. "You don't have to if you feel uncomfortable. But I want you to know, it absolutely is your place."

Buck closes his eyes and allows his relief to breathe.

Eddie taps him gently on one bicep. "Come on, we can go check on him now together."

They knock on the door and when there is no answer from within, Eddie calls out, "Chris? Buddy, we're here to talk," before opening the door.

Christopher is lying on his bed, one of his favorite books open, but laid across his chest, face down, while he stares into the space in front of him.

"Chris?" Eddie starts.

He motions and they both enter the room and come to sit on the edge of the bed.

"What's the matter, Superman?" Buck asks and catches the hint of a pleased smile at the corner of his boyfriend's lips.

"I..." Chris tries, but stops right away.

"Hey, you can tell us anything, little man." Eddie's voice is tinged with restrained concern.

"No," Chris shakes his head, playing with his fingers above his neglected book.

Buck feels the earlier doubt creeping back in. "Is it me? Would you be okay telling your dad if I left the room?"

The fingers stop.

"Maybe." Christopher's voice is faint, like he's unhappy about this admission, but it's pretty clear to Buck and he begins to rise from the bed. He'd prefer not to, but if it would help, of course he'd do this.

"What? No." Eddie grabs him by the wrist and pulls a little as indication for Buck to sit back down. He's frozen in mid air, not sure of how to proceed. "Bud, you can tell us both whatever it is, in fact, I think it's really important for you to be able to. Why would you think that there's something you can't tell Buck?" He sits back down.

There's a far too long pause, the kind in which gravity becomes more overwhelming with every passing second and not giving into it - an increasing effort.

"Because it's about him," Chris finally relents.

"About me? What about me?"

"I'm sorry," their little boy sounds so miserable, it tears at Buck's heart in the middle of his surprise and confusion. "These kids from the other school. They were looking at my project. One of them said they know. That I have a Jewish step dad. He said Jews are evil. That lots of Jews were killed in ovens. He said... One day they'll finish the job." There's so much effort when he speaks, but then he suddenly rushes out, "Buck, I don't want them to kill you." 

Chris inadvertently flings his book to the side as he flies off the bed and clings in a hug to Buck, who envelops him in an embrace instinctively. It's barely audible, but sobs are rocking Christopher's smaller body and there's wetness where he's burying his face between Buck's neck and shoulder.

"Oh, mijo," Eddie says and he pats his son's back with one hand, squeezes his boyfriend's shoulder with his other.

"Hey. Chris," Buck tries the second he can find his voice again. "Buddy, I promise. They're not going to kill me, okay?" He squishes the boy in his arms tighter.

The sobs subside a little. When Christopher has calmed down a little, he pulls his head up and as they now hold eye contact, he asks, "So that kid lied? They... didn't kill Jews... like that?"

Buck looks to Eddie with hesitation, but all he gets is a nod as a sign of permission.

"I'm so sorry, Chris. They did. And it was..." He hesitates. If there is a word strong enough to condemn what was done to his people, he'd prefer not to use it in a conversation with a child this young, anyway. "It was horrible. But you don't have to worry about me, because..." He wants to say reassuring things, but without lying. That's the tricky part, when he can't say the people who wanted to kill Jews simply for being Jewish are gone. "I can defend myself and no one will ever be able to do anything like that to me, okay? I'm strong."

"You shouldn't have to be," Chris mumbles and slots his head back to the spot where it was, against Buck. 

Big and built as he is, all muscles, training, even the experience he's gained as a capable firefighter, none of it can stop the truth of those words from hitting him. There is a part of Buck which has grown hard because hatred forced it to. With Christopher's arms around him, he can feel grief for it. A sadness for choices he never would have made in a better world.

Eddie moves on the bed as well and there it is, a hug that envelops both Buck and Chris. They can stay like this for a moment. No need to rush and resolve the things that can be fixed or find a way to get over those that can't be. They can lean into this, exist within the vulnerable. Because together, they are strong.

It's Buck who eventually pulls back, searching the face of the boy in his arms. The tear tracks have started drying, but are still visible. "You're right," he says, not letting go of the embrace, "but life isn't always the way it should be. We know that, right?" Despite his age, Chris definitely does. "But we can still make it better."

"We can't bring those people back."

"No, that nobody can do. But we can do other things for them. If we remember them, for example, then they're not completely gone."

"And maybe..." It's odd to hear Eddie be the one sounding unsure. "Don't Jews, um... I think it's a little bit like what we do in Abuela's church, don't you light candles for your loved ones who have passed away?"

Buck had mentioned this in passing one day months ago, before he moved in, that he'd be doing this for his grandfather who had died on that date. Eddie remembered and later on, so will Buck, when he'll kiss his partner for it.

"Yes. We can actually do that right now, if you want to?" he looks to Chris, who nods in response without reservation.

"There's a bunch of candles for emergency blackouts in the kitchen," Eddie points out, "we can use one of those?"

"Perfect," Buck replies. They go into the kitchen together, take out three of the candles per Christopher's suggestion, one for each of them, then pull down all the shades. It's not complete darkness, but it's enough, as Buck and Eddie strike a match each, then help Chris with his. They place the three burning candles in a row on the marble counter and watch the flames.

"A little bit of light," Buck finds himself reciting, as his and Eddie's arms intertwine with each other around Chris, "chases a lot of darkness away."

**Author's Note:**

> Title of this fic is from the hymn _Jerusalem_ , which was based on the poem _And Did Those Feet in Ancient Times_ by William Blake.


End file.
